onefourthree, kid<3

why can`t i help feeling like you don`t care anymore?

i really want to talk t you, but sometimes i can`t find myself to reach for the phone and call. & when i do, you`re not there to answer. i know you`re prolly busy, with your own thing & all, but...
please don`t forget me, alright?


you`re always in my heart<3

see what happens when we don`t communicate?

i start thinking too much about things & everything i knew start to fall apart. however one thing does not change, and that`s how i feel about you. i know we had that conversation online where we both realized that we were both drifting because we don`t talk as much. yet, i guess you just busy living your own life. i know you have your own thing & that you like that girl. i`m happy for you & everything but part of me just isn`t. when we don`t talk or you don`t try to talk or communicate with me...i start thinking that maybe you just don`t care anymore...like you forgot me.

that was bound to happen, i guess. man...but i still deeply care about you. & nothing can change that.

001. I miss somebody right now. [!]
002. I watch more TV than I used to.[i watch too much all the time]
003. I love olives.
004. I love sleeping.
005. I own a home.
006. I wear glasses/contact lenses.[contacts]
007. I love to play video games.
008. I've done something illegal.
009. I've watched porn movies.
010. I have been in a threesome.
011. I have been the psycho-ex in a past relationship.
012. I like my handwriting.
013. I have acne-free skin. [i wish]
014. I like and respect Al Sharpton.
015. I curse frequently.[sowwie]
016. I have changed a lot mentally over the last year.
017. I have a hobby.
018. I've been to another country.
019. I carry my knife/razor/whip/whatever weapon you want here everywhere with me.[i should]
020. I'm really, really smart.[I WISH]
021. I've never broken anyone else's bones.
022. I have a secret that I am ashamed to reveal.
023. I love rain.
024. I'm paranoid at times.
025. I would get plastic surgery if it were 100% safe, free of cost, and scar-free.
026. I need money right now.
027. I love sushi.
028. I talk really, really fast sometimes. [depends (:]
029. I have fresh breath in the morning.[after brushing..yeah]
030. I have semi-long hair.[dude my hair IS looongg]
031. I have lost money in Las Vegas.
032. I have at least one brother and/or sister.[kuya]
033. I was born in a country outside of the U.S.
034. I shave my legs.[(:]
035. I have a twin. [sierra said she saw a dude that looked like me O___O]
037. I couldn't survive without Caller I.D.
038. I like the way that I look. [depends]
039. I have lied to a good friend in the past 6 months. [uhh]
040. I know how to do cornrows.
041. I am usually pessimistic.
042. I have mood swings.[duude i`m a girl. no question]
043. I think prostitution should be legalized. [hell no]
044. I think Britney Spears is pretty.
045. I have cheated on a significant other.
046. I have a hidden talent.[what is it?]
047. I'm always hyper no matter how much sugar I have. [depends =D]
048. I've been sexually intimate with less than ten people. [regret]
049. I am currently single.
050. I have kissed someone of the same sex. [dude that was my lil cousin]
051. I enjoy talking on the phone. [maybe too much]
052. I practically live in sweatpants or PJ pants.
053. I love to shop.[OH HELL YEAH!]
054. I would rather shop than eat.
055. I would classify myself as ghetto. [look at my neighborhood ;)]
056. I'm bourgeoisie and have worn a sweater tied around my shoulders. [hahah]
057. I'm obsessed with my Xanga.
058. I don't hate anyone.
059. I'm a pretty  good dancer. [ wink wink. jus jokes! lol]
060. I don't think Mike Tyson raped Desiree Washington.[WHAA?]
061. I'm completely embarrassed to be seen with my mother. [depends...is she laughing too much? lol]
062. I have a cell phone. [ditto]
063. I watch MTV on a daily basis.
065. I have passed out drunk in the past 6 months.
067. I have never been in a real relationship before.
068. I've rejected someone before.
069. I currently have a crush on someone. [idk]
070. I have no idea what I want to do for the rest of my life.
071. I want to have children in the future.
072. I have changed a diaper before.
073. I've had the cops called on me before.
074. I bite my nails.
075. I am a member of the Tom Green fan club.
076. I'm not allergic to anything.
077. I have a lot to learn.
078. I have dated someone at least 10 years older or younger. [noo]
079. I plan on seeing Ice Cube's newest "Friday" movie.
080. I am very shy around the opposite sex. [yeahh]
081. I'm online 24/7, even as an away message.
082. I have at least 5 away messages saved. [i don`t even use all of them haha]
083. I have been rejected by someone.
084. I have made a move on a friend's significant other in the past. [oh jesus]
085. I own the "South Park" movie.
087. When I was a kid I played "the birds and the bees" with a neighbor or chum.[wtf?]
088. I enjoy country music.
089. I love my best friend(s).[amen amen]
090. I think that Pizza Hut has the best pizza. [papa john`s is good too]
091. I watch soap operas whenever I can.
092. I'm obsessive, anal retentive, and often a perfectionist.
093. I have used my sexuality to advance my career.
094. I love Michael Jackson, scandals and all.
095. I know all the words to Slick Rick's "Children's Story".
096. Halloween is awesome!
097. I watch Spongebob Squarepants and I like it.
098. I have dated a close friend's ex.[almost...but no]
099. I'm happy as of this moment. [sure why not?]
100. I have gone scuba diving.
101. Had a crush on somebody I had never met.  [omg yeah]
102. I've kissed someone I knew I shouldn't.
103. I play a musical instrument.[suuure]
104. I strongly dislike math.
105. I'm procrastinating on something right now.[studying]
106. I own and use a library card.[=DD]
107. I fall in "lust" more than in "love."
108. Cheese enchiladas rock my socks.[oh eff yeah]
109. I think The Lord of the Rings is one of the greatest movies/books ever.[i just like legolas (:]
110. I'm obsessed with the TV show “The O.C.”
111. I am resentful that I have to grow up.[sometimes]
112. I am an entirely different person around different people.
113. I think the world would be a better place if people just smiled more often.
114. I think ramen is one of the best foods in the whole world.
115. I am suffering of a broken heart.
116. I am a nerd. [hahah can`t help it sometimes]
117. No matter where I am or who I'm with, I always seem to be lonely.
118. I am left handed and proud of it.[OH HELL FREAKKIN` YEAHH! =DDD]
119. I try not to change who I am for someone.
120. My heart resides below my feet.
121. I have had sex with someone I was not in a relationship with.
122. I enjoy smoothies. [sounds like jamba juice ;9]
123. I have had major surgery.
124. I have adopted a pet from the ASPCA.
125. I am listening to Radiohead right now.
126. Some people call me by a nickname.[lots]
127. I once stole a music stand.
128. I like pumpkin pie.
129. I love NASCAR!
130. I own over 200 CDs.
131. I work 7 days a week.
132. I have mono. [duuuude no]
132. I don't have the ability to make decisions without changing my mind.[sounds like me]
133. People tell me I have a horrible sense of humor.
134. I'm still in my PJs.
135. I'm looking for love in all the wrong places.
136. I have a tendency to fall for the wrong girls, or have them fall for me, so I can't help but reciprocate.  [uhhh i like boys, thx]
137. I'll try anything three times.
138. Done drugs other than alcohol or cannabis.
139. I'm having trouble sleeping.[yeahh too much contemplating]
140. I am a cuddler [woot!]
141. I love John Waters films. [who that?]
142. I have made a pornographic videotape.
143. Sloth is my favorite deadly sin.
144. One of my nuts is bigger than the other.[LMAO that`s funny!]
145. I know all the words to the "Firefly" theme song.
146. I love Dr. Pepper [i love water]
147. I'm a programmer.
148. I can't explain why I'm unhappy at times. [ditto]
149. I own and have read all of the Harry Potter books.[i read them]
150. I like to smell my own hair. [
151. I carry a book with me almost everywhere I go.
152. I have an eating disorder. 
153. I have flown to a different country to see a band.
154. Been hospitalized for "mental issues".  (my friends think so)
155. I have survived totaling a car I was driving.
156. I am addicted to a Manga/anime. [WAS addicted]
157. Somehow I always seem to get myself into trouble.
158. I have dated someone for longer than 5 years. [wow]
159. I have been hit by flying Eric Szmanda spittle.
160. I have lived in three different countries.
161. I have tattoos.
162. I have lost someone I cared about deeply. [not yet]
163. I've filled out an obscenely long quiz.
164. I am not human until I have had some form of caffiene.[or sugar]
165. I can't use can openers.[lol]

jeez

x3: idk what it is but theres something abt damien guys XD
me: you`re voice is sexy (:
MO: thanks haha
es: i dont think i would wear it to school anyway. they would think im gay
me: hahahahahah nooo...i think it`s sexy if a guy had one
es: well then i'll just wear it when i'm around you hahahaha

Back to you
It always comes around
Back to you
I tried to forget you
I tried to stay away
But it�s too late

Over you
I�m never over
Over you
Something about you
It�s just the way you move
The way you move me

I�m so good at forgetting
And I quit ever game I play
But forgive me, love
I can�t turn and walk away

Back to you
It always comes around
Back to you
I walk with your shadow
I�m sleeping in my bed
With your silhouette

Should have smiled in that picture
If it�s the last that I�ll see of you
It�s the least that you
Could not do

Leave the light on
I�ll never give up on you
Leave the light on
For me too

Back to me
I know that it comes
Back to me
Doesn�t it scare you
Your will is not as strong
As it used to be

will that day ever come when i will no longer feel so much emptiness?

soo...it`s back to school..monday again..and i`m effing tired. i think it`s because i stayed up till like 11 talking to james and cristi...well not really cuz we were on the phone but not technically talking....we were chatting on yahoo messenger though. yeah weird. then i stayed up like an hour more cuz i didn`t want to sleep and and i didn`t want to finish my english homework. idk...i`m weird like that.

i still can`t stop thinking about him and sometimes i wonder if he still thinks of me too. but probably not. probably thinks of that girl he likes-kathy-i think. *sigh*...i want to feel indifferent about our lost situation but i can`t. so i guess i`ll try not to whine as much to my friends about the little things that happen between us that don`t exactly bring me the same happiness as they did before because of so much transition. i`ll try to keep quiet and forget....but i sure can`t stop my feeling.

I LOVE YOU, RON JUSTIN PASCUAL<3

i wondered if you still had feelings
after i told you not to say
those three little words to me
but somehow i just couldn`t get away

i had assumed that you didn`t
but you proved me wrong
you told me you loved me dearly
and my heart started to play its song

i talked to you the other day
it became so silent on the line
i couldn`t help thinking we were drifting
and everything wasn`t fine

you told me that sometimes you think
about the day when you`ll be my surpise
find me somewhere at the mall
coming up from behind and covering my eyes

then i don`t know how to explain it
but i could sense it in your tone
that somehow you feelings were fading
right after you hung up the phone

i know we always said
that someday we`ll be together
but i know waiting for that someday
would feel so much like forever

in those 2 years before i see you
time will have an affect
i`m not sure what will happen
i`m not sure if we`ll still connect

so there`s always going to be "you & me"
of which i will not make a fuss
i just tear at the thought
that will never be "us".

has that ship dumped me overboard & sailed already? =(

dude...i know i haven`t updated in a while...but hell it`s not like anyone reads this shit. :P i just went down memory lane in my head...of all my diary entries. i just remember how i said i loved someone...but i really don`t think i knew what that meant. they were all infatuation kind of love because i never really got close or knew mark or derek. hahah those were strong childhood crushes...and on chris...i think that was infatuation too xDDD cuz i know what i still feel for Ron is not infatuation at all. I love everything about Ron, even the little things...like when he says something really sweet, when he says he loves me and tells me how we`d meet in the future, or even when he makes trouble to me.

wonder why i`m reflecting again? it`s because now when i talk to Ron on the phone...i feel like we have drifted...and how searching for someone in our own areas have driven us apart. i got a pinch of jealousy when he talked about this girl he liked...and somehow relieved when i found out both of us aren`t that determined to have a connection w/ someone at the moment.

*sighh... imagine...how it would be like years from now...like 2 years when i actually go there...we`ll just see each other..have a moment of joy and hug. then he`ll most likely have a girlfriend or would have lost all feelings of love for me....i tear up at the thought that our feelings will fade...but it`s okay i guess.

because time does a lot to a person. it could be good or bad. a person would have much time to think about life...and relationships....anything...and one`s feelings could be easily suaded by constant thought. it`s completely possible...i feel like that`s what happening between us. but i know no matter what, i`ll always love him.

i wanna go shopping damnit.

wow, he`s looking for a girl...

not that i`m totally against the idea, cuz that`s what we agreed on & said we`d be totally be happy for each other if we found someone here. i just kinda got jealous cuz whoever he finds gets to be with him...& not me. i was telling Reimill, Nikki & Marynell about this..& idk...i just got so caught up. but hell i didn`t wanna tell him cuz that would make me selfish...& i`m not like that. so dumb how i started to question whether he really meant it when he said i love you again, but OF COURSE he did. he would never lie to me about something like that.

*sigh* i guess i really want him to ask me to by his girl...but i`ll just have to wait till the day he imagines when he`ll just pop out of nowhere over here. i think that`s fucking adorable man...someone coming up behind you, covers your eyes & when you turn around you see that it`s the one person you love the most. gosshh...i imagine it a lot too...how i wish that day he comes would be today...

& gosshhh you know what else i`m kinda scared of? is if....when i do find someone i like here, & we go out...i would start thinking of Ron. & that would be sooo bad. but hell what do i know until i actually find someone.

justwaiting...

Why do i think of you no matter what i`m doing?
Why if i don`t see you, i feel your presence?
Why is it that the first thing i see when i close my eyes is your face?
Why can`t i get you off my mind?


Maybe because I love you so much.

----------
i`m stupid & accidentally deleted my convo w/ Ron when i intended to save it for nostalgic purposes ;____;so i`ll post the convo i had w/ my boo boo (marynell).<3 ^^

jobo smiles: damnit i deleted the convo!!!
jobo smiles: i`m stupid lol but i remember EVERYTHING haha
Mybrokencarousel: haha
Mybrokencarousel: go for it.
Mybrokencarousel: tell me :D
jobo smiles: heheh yeah he came on and IMed me and we were talking like we usually do...and i was sooo happy!
Mybrokencarousel: ^^
jobo smiles: then like i asked if he found someone he liked...and he said no...i asked why..and he said...idk
jobo smiles: then i told him my sob story how i don`t gots no one and how your the only one who loves me ^^
Mybrokencarousel: haha
Mybrokencarousel: me only?
jobo smiles: then i was getting sad...and i asked him how he felt when i told him not to say i love you to me anymore...and he said idk..makes sense...then i was like..ooh so you don`t feel that way anymore
jobo smiles: lol pretty much boo boo
Mybrokencarousel: ahaha
Mybrokencarousel: :D
Mybrokencarousel: I love you!
Mybrokencarousel: ;-)
jobo smiles: and he's like...who said that? and i just ohh i`m just asking....and he said well...i do. do you?
jobo smiles: heheh ;-) ditto, boo.
jobo smiles: and i said yeah, i just couldn`t let go....then i just went all sorry cuz i felt bad i was doing this to him...and he said i didn`t have to say sorry... and i was just like...idk i feel bad for doing this to you and you still love me
jobo smiles: then he said..idk it's hard to explain...
jobo smiles: then he had to go and i told him i love him. and he said i love you too, foreal.
jobo smiles: and i was soooooo happy ...omg i love this feeling
jobo smiles: he made a typo in the end and was like...wow..that killed the moment
jobo smiles: lol

sarah's party :D

if i said it was only in my mind
it's because i kept it there or so i`ve tried
if i said you weren`t in my heart
it's because i was in denial and i lied

if you think that i don`t care anymore
then i would tell you were wrong
if you think i don`t love you anymore
then i would tell you my love is still strong

it's cuz i think you don`t believe in us
is why i said all those things to you
it's cuz i think you don`t wanna be closer
is why i believe that was true

the time i had with no contact you
seemed like it dragged on for days and days
the time i had to think about you
made me realized i`ll love you always

is it weird that i suddenly felt
like you slipping away through my fingers?
is it weird that i wanted to keep you
cuz the thought of you still lingers?

then when i talk to you once again
i feel like i wanna savor the while
then when i hear your voice again
i feel so happy, i can`t help but smile

i wanna tell you all these things
but i`m not sure how you feel
i wanna tell you how much i love you
and if what we have is real

i don`t wanna be a fool
if you don`t feel the same way
i don`t wanna regret anything
so if you love me, baby, please just say

I`m so glad we`re still friends<33

man on tuesday i got my first DEMERIT! it was like-a whooaaa. but then i was just like " okay, this is new." hahaha my friend teresa was like, " wow, i`m surprised your not mad." hahah idk...seemed like a waste on anger but i do agree w/ people when they said mrs. lockwood is indeed one evil haole woman. goshhh i just put down my books in english and headed to the caf for recess. when i come back, malori tells me to look at my textbook..and i did. it had one post-it on it saying "1 demerit, uncovered book" ohhh jeez. i was like okie...evil woman. then later i just served my demerit during lunch...not bad if it got to DO MY HOMEWORK =D duuuddee that was awesome. got home...no homework!!! ahahhhhhhh

even if i say valentine`s day is an overrated holiday... i can`t find it in my heart to believe myself cuz something feels direly missing... ...him.;[

grown too hopeful
shortly after my last goodbye
to how we were content
i contemplated with a little regret
and wondered what that meant

thought everything was gonna be okay
since what was said we would sought out
how we were going to be together...
we were going to live without

looking back i couldn`t believe
that i had found my voice
to say that "this isn`t right for us"
but was it the right choice?

cause now i sit here looking
for your screen name to come online
so we could talk like old times
like everything was fine

sometimes i hear my phone ring
always hoping it would be you
with your cheerful voice to say "hi"
but that would be too good to be true

when i come home, i retrieve the mail
hoping that you had sent me a letter
but realizing what i had done to you
i should`ve known better

was going to leave you a little message
on your page like i usually do
but your password changed
if only i knew

i lie down in bed at night
just thinking about you & i can`t sleep
tears start to stream down uncontrollably
and i feel so weak

i tremble at the thought
that you had forgotten me so fast
that you erased me from your life
to forget the past

i had grown too comfortable with all
your thoughtful gestures that made me glad
but now that they are no more
i can`t help but feel terribly sad

i`m probably nothing more
than just a memory to you now
but you still live on in my heart
just wish you knew how

however i cannot tell you
just how much you mean to me
i guess i`ll just give you your space
and i`ll try to let you be

mood:grown depressed & lost w/out him ;[

gosh i miss that boy...

victimoflove x0x (11:56:14 PM): i sawwww...my best buddie who happens to be your cousin! are you going to damien dance?
banjomagicdayzie (11:56:31 PM): ooh yeah that`s right
banjomagicdayzie (11:56:34 PM): when is it?
victimoflove x0x (11:57:38 PM): march eleven!
victimoflove x0x (11:58:08 PM): nikki's like :I WANNA GOO!!" and i was all, "oh yeah that's what you said the last time but you ended up not going cuz you were too lazy!"
victimoflove x0x (11:58:10 PM): =p
victimoflove x0x (11:58:14 PM): YOU TOO!!
banjomagicdayzie (11:58:51 PM): hahahaha
victimoflove x0x (11:59:04 PM): are you gonna go !!!!
victimoflove x0x (11:59:13 PM): go go go go go!! i gon go! probably
banjomagicdayzie (11:59:17 PM): i`ll think about it
victimoflove x0x (11:59:44 PM): think about the fun we'll have
victimoflove x0x (12:01:09 AM): the competitions in how man asses we'll get to pinch!
victimoflove x0x (12:01:27 AM): or how man guys we can say hi too or how many guys we dance with!!
victimoflove x0x (12:01:35 AM): the last one was boring but still.
banjomagicdayzie (12:02:55 AM): lmao yeah
banjomagicdayzie (12:03:02 AM): GASP i gon tell david
victimoflove x0x (12:03:19 AM): HAHHA AND HOW IRONIC TOO CUZ HE'S BDAY IS ON THAT DAY
victimoflove x0x (12:03:22 AM): =p
victimoflove x0x (12:04:02 AM): hey man, as long as i dont' fuck or kiss any of them (if i'm still with him) i'm alright.
banjomagicdayzie (12:04:21 AM): lmao XDDDD
victimoflove x0x (12:05:39 AM): LET'S LET'S LET'S MAKE UP A LITTLE STUFF NOW!
banjomagicdayzie (12:05:47 AM): ?
victimoflove x0x (12:06:15 AM): competition thingy
banjomagicdayzie (12:06:49 AM): lol sureee
victimoflove x0x (12:08:03 AM): we already did the butt.
victimoflove x0x (12:08:17 AM): the dancing with the guy sux cuz they don't come to us.
banjomagicdayzie (12:08:28 AM): xDDD i know that`s true
victimoflove x0x (12:08:31 AM): OO HOW MANY LAP DANCES!
banjomagicdayzie (12:08:39 AM): O___O oh hell no, dearie.
victimoflove x0x (12:09:15 AM): awww
victimoflove x0x (12:09:16 AM): fine.
victimoflove x0x (12:09:22 AM): too bad for us.
victimoflove x0x (12:09:28 AM): naughty naughty i mean.
banjomagicdayzie (12:09:52 AM): hahahahah
banjomagicdayzie (12:09:58 AM): you naughty naughty
victimoflove x0x (12:10:02 AM): lol
victimoflove x0x (12:10:20 AM): ohh okay let's do the lap dance but we'll only do one!
banjomagicdayzie (12:10:30 AM): LOL
victimoflove x0x (12:10:35 AM): LET'S MAKE IT A DARE FOR BOTH OF US
banjomagicdayzie (12:10:35 AM): if we even get one
banjomagicdayzie (12:10:38 AM): hahahaha
banjomagicdayzie (12:10:39 AM): sure
victimoflove x0x (12:10:54 AM): i dare you to give a guy ur dancing with a lap dance...and i'll give one.
victimoflove x0x (12:10:56 AM): if i can.
banjomagicdayzie (12:10:59 AM): i dare you to give someone a lap dance...AND a phone number
victimoflove x0x (12:11:12 AM): okay i'll give'em yours
banjomagicdayzie (12:11:23 AM): hahah no i meant get a phone number
victimoflove x0x (12:11:32 AM): oh hahaha.
victimoflove x0x (12:11:35 AM): okay i'll try.
victimoflove x0x (12:11:41 AM): oh man, that's kinda weird.
banjomagicdayzie (12:11:45 AM): hahahahahahah
victimoflove x0x (12:11:52 AM): *lap dance * can i have ur phone number?!
banjomagicdayzie (12:11:56 AM): hahahha
banjomagicdayzie (12:12:02 AM): how about we just get numbers?
banjomagicdayzie (12:12:04 AM): easier
victimoflove x0x (12:12:14 AM): but THE LAP DANCE iS COOL!!
banjomagicdayzie (12:12:26 AM): no
victimoflove x0x (12:12:28 AM): it can be a person we know!! like jordan or your cousin!
banjomagicdayzie (12:12:32 AM): lap dance=bad!
victimoflove x0x (12:12:35 AM): or john for all i care!
banjomagicdayzie (12:12:44 AM): EUWWW i not fucking doing that to my cuzin
banjomagicdayzie (12:12:47 AM): and fuck john
banjomagicdayzie (12:12:48 AM): hahaha
victimoflove x0x (12:12:56 AM): wadda'bout jordan?
banjomagicdayzie (12:13:04 AM): oh heheh if he like ;-)
banjomagicdayzie (12:13:06 AM): :-)
victimoflove x0x (12:13:12 AM): he'll likey!
victimoflove x0x (12:13:13 AM): lol
victimoflove x0x (12:13:25 AM): whether he likes it or not.
banjomagicdayzie (12:13:29 AM): lmao
banjomagicdayzie (12:13:31 AM): lmaooo
victimoflove x0x (12:13:47 AM): OH MY GOD, IF NIKKI GOES WE SHOULD GIVE HER ONE! AND ASK HER NUMBER!
victimoflove x0x (12:13:48 AM): LOL
banjomagicdayzie (12:14:15 AM): hahah
banjomagicdayzie (12:14:20 AM): we already know her number
victimoflove x0x (12:14:24 AM): so.
victimoflove x0x (12:14:31 AM): OKAY OKAY!!
victimoflove x0x (12:14:36 AM): LAP DANCE AND #
victimoflove x0x (12:14:51 AM): AT LEAST WE'LL HAVE SOMETHING DONE ...
victimoflove x0x (12:15:05 AM): CUZ getting numbers is hard...for me.
victimoflove x0x (12:15:54 AM): how bout we do this you dare me to get a lap dance and i'll dare you to get (a) number (s)
banjomagicdayzie (12:15:57 AM): lol
banjomagicdayzie (12:16:06 AM): isn`t giving lap dances hard tooo
banjomagicdayzie (12:16:12 AM): ooh fuck it i don`t want to anymore
victimoflove x0x (12:16:25 AM): AWW C'MON...i'm pouting.
banjomagicdayzie (12:16:29 AM): i just pictured it
banjomagicdayzie (12:16:30 AM): no
banjomagicdayzie (12:16:32 AM): BADD
victimoflove x0x (12:16:35 AM): lol
banjomagicdayzie (12:16:35 AM): BAD BAD BAD
victimoflove x0x (12:16:39 AM): DAS WHY !!!
banjomagicdayzie (12:16:44 AM): no
banjomagicdayzie (12:16:45 AM): bad
victimoflove x0x (12:16:49 AM): you dare me to get a lap dance and i'll dare you to get (a) number (s)!!!
banjomagicdayzie (12:17:06 AM): hahah how bout just to start a conversation with someone hahahah
victimoflove x0x (12:17:09 AM): i dare you to (A) NUMBER (S)!!
banjomagicdayzie (12:17:13 AM): that`s prolly as far as i`ll get
victimoflove x0x (12:17:14 AM): a random one?
banjomagicdayzie (12:17:16 AM): yeah
victimoflove x0x (12:17:33 AM): okay i'll picture that *taps random person* HI WHAT'S UR NAME?!
victimoflove x0x (12:17:52 AM): random person: uhh...hi bye.
banjomagicdayzie (12:18:05 AM): hahahaha NOO that`s not the way to approach
victimoflove x0x (12:18:12 AM): how do you approach
victimoflove x0x (12:18:22 AM): *accidentally trips on person* I'M SORRY!!
banjomagicdayzie (12:18:27 AM): ooh you like see my picture...of you...hi want a lap dance...uhh no
banjomagicdayzie (12:18:36 AM): hahaha shut up! shut up! victimoflove x0x (12:18:43 AM): LOL!!
banjomagicdayzie (12:18:59 AM): jumps in front of him...hi...hi...
victimoflove x0x (12:19:03 AM): or or or!! WHAT TIME IS IT?
banjomagicdayzie (12:19:06 AM): whooo i started something
banjomagicdayzie (12:19:07 AM): hahaha
banjomagicdayzie (12:19:18 AM): sorry i don`t know the time...do you know it
banjomagicdayzie (12:19:22 AM): or...hahaha for numbers
banjomagicdayzie (12:19:45 AM): *bump* i`m sorry...i lost my number...can i have yours?
victimoflove x0x (12:20:07 AM): lol
victimoflove x0x (12:20:15 AM): they'll be like okay *walk away*
banjomagicdayzie (12:20:38 AM): hahaa
victimoflove x0x (12:20:53 AM): or *shakes booty infront of their face and stops* to start booty shakin' again, please deposit your phone number
banjomagicdayzie (12:21:25 AM): LMAO
banjomagicdayzie (12:21:29 AM): hahahahah
banjomagicdayzie (12:21:37 AM): *tearing up* oh jesus....
victimoflove x0x (12:21:43 AM): lol!!
banjomagicdayzie (12:22:29 AM): haha you should just stand by the door with a sign on you
banjomagicdayzie (12:22:44 AM): and they`ll be like..hmmm where`s the slot...and then WHOOPSIE
banjomagicdayzie (12:22:45 AM): hahah
victimoflove x0x (12:23:00 AM): HAHAHAHA!!
victimoflove x0x (12:23:19 AM): okay so you'll get the numbers and i'll do the lap dance!!
banjomagicdayzie (12:23:31 AM): hahah or "attempt" to get numbers
victimoflove x0x (12:23:40 AM): for you it has to be someone random and for me random or known (both sexes)
victimoflove x0x (12:23:52 AM): okay attempt...same goes for me.
banjomagicdayzie (12:24:02 AM): lol
banjomagicdayzie (12:24:06 AM): dress sexy
victimoflove x0x (12:24:10 AM): hahaha..
victimoflove x0x (12:24:15 AM): hmm what should i wear...
banjomagicdayzie (12:24:18 AM): idk
victimoflove x0x (12:24:23 AM): i'll be a little slut on that day.
banjomagicdayzie (12:24:24 AM): i wearing skirt if not cold
banjomagicdayzie (12:24:26 AM): hahahaha
banjomagicdayzie (12:24:39 AM): i can try...but remember my mom will examine me before i leave
victimoflove x0x (12:25:08 AM): i'll wear the prostitue
sandals, mini skrist that has my ass comin' out, really tite shirt ...
victimoflove x0x (12:25:21 AM): yeah man i'll give so many lap dances that night.
banjomagicdayzie (12:25:28 AM): lmao

whoo!
heyy i never been here in like...2 years or so...idk haha i just deleted old entry. i was totally in fanfiction. lol that`s why i`m an ex-fanfiction writer ^___^ well i`m back here again because i just gave up xanga & myspace for lent...& now i have absolutely no where to write. idk i don`t write in my diary anymore b/c typing is much better for me...& yeah. SO HERE I AM!! well, to be honest i have been on myspace & xanga...like two days after ash wednesday started. ;_____; cuz i was looking for Ron, who is my bestest friend in the whole world. see, cuz i fell for him real bad & he loved me too. however, we live so far apart from each other, that the internet, email, mail, & phone are all we had to communicate. ooh don`t miss interpret--we weren`t going out! although it sort of felt like we were with all the nicknames & stuff, we definitely weren`t. then a week ago i got mad at him for something...& decided that we shouldn`t continue with this "charade" & just face the facts. i told him i didn`t want him to tell me "i love you" anymore unless he truly meant it & if were going to be more that what we are now. i mean, wouldn`t you find it a little depressing knowing that you can`t be with someone you truly loved? i do love him still but i can`t let him know that.

this is how i felt that night i said it: "i couldn't sleep last night because I know that it's over between us. I'm not bitter any more, because I know that what we had was real. & if in some distant place in the future we see each other in our new lives, i'll smile at you with joy & remember how we spent the summer..., learning from each other and growing in love. the best love is the kind that awakens the soul & makes us reach for more, that plants a fire in our hearts and brings peace to our minds, & that's what you've given me. that's what I hope to give to you forever. I love you. I'll be seeing you."

-the notebook